Accepting Failure

I recently came across a quote that would have been useful during my recent bout of artistic blues, "Every failure brings with it the seed of an equivalent success." Of course that's only true if we take the time to analyze it, accept it, and take corrective action. It's also not very helpful to constantly fear failure. Fear of failure is your number one enemy because it doesn't let you complete your current project and destroys the slightest progress towards your next painting.

My latest painting is a perfect example of my struggle with the fear of failure. This painting came to me as a random thought. Like most of my non-traditional painting ideas, I was just falling asleep when an image of a faceless man with retro patterns floating in empty space flashed in my mind. I could not forget the image, so I thought about it for a week and finally took a leap of faith.

I took this challenge because I felt stagnant at the time, I needed to stretch my imagination and improve my technique. I knew this subconsciously, but I had feared stepping outside of my comfort zone completely. I also had the feeling it could turn out to be something not well received, which has been the case. Always knowing that there was a high probability of failure was also not helpful, so why did I still push myself to paint it?

First, I love a good challenge. Being able to take a random thought or idea and place it on a canvas with even more clarity than originally perceived, allows me to prove to myself that thoughts can be made into reality.

Second, It was an extra creative challenge to add missing pieces to the mental thought and balance out the idea of the painting. For example:

• I felt the background needed to add lots of depth and decided a green field and blue sky would work well, so I ended up with a tropical plantation. 
• I felt the face outline would be too real if the skin tone was natural, so I went with blue as a tribute to Picasso's "Old Guitarist," during his blue period. 
• I wanted to add a piece of me to the painting, so I've used myself as the model and made sure to include my grandfather’s necklace to solidify it as a partial self portrait.

Finally, I needed to practice breaking away from the fear of "THEY," if only for one painting. Constantly thinking of what "THEY" think or what "THEY" say can be a big stress on any artist. It's very important to stop and paint something for yourself every once in a while. It gives me a sense of control over every part of the process, which in turn allows me to be more flexible doing commissions because I know I can always paint something for me.

I'm at peace with this painting because it's for me. I have been able to critique myself honestly because I know it has a small probability of success and praise from others. When it's finished, I will be able to explain it from my heart and will be able to laugh about it as well. As long as I own it, It will be a reminder that I intentionally planted a seed in that painting to learn something about myself.